evangelism

My job requires a high level of organization. I have two different calendars; a monthly calendar and then a weekly/daily calendar that sometimes scarily has tasks and meetings that account for each hour of the day.

Lately in addition to coordinating volunteers I have been doing student coordination. This means doing student intake and testing in addition to my other responsibilities with volunteers (recruiting, screening, matching, supporting). Since there is no office for our program in this county, I am constantly carrying around 75 pounds worth of files, forms, lesson plan stuff etc.

To make a long story short, my boss told me a month ago that I could get something from Staples so I wouldn't have to carry so much stuff. I could get a suitcase or some kind of rolling file to pull around all the stuff I have to have on me in order to do my job. Sounds great, right?

But I didn't do it. I kept carrying all the stuff around with me because I happen to think its dorky and that it looks stupid to have so much crap to carry around you have to have a suitcase. I didn't want to be one of those people walking around with a suitcase full of files. I just think it looks stupid. Its embarrassing to pull one of those things around.

I think this is an analogy (however terrible) for how I often feel about Christianity. A lot of times I feel like Christianity is this stupid crate I need to have because I can't get by without it.

That's changing some, slowly. As I experience the faith as something that isn't only embarrassing to profess, but something actually life giving and healing, I feel less like I am pulling around some stupid crate that makes me look like an idiot.

God forgive me.

I finally got the crate. I needed it.

I still resent pulling it around though.