Sunday, November 15, 2009

faith

I feel the need to write. A lot. I just need to vent. I abandoned this blog over two years ago (maybe it just feels like that long) because I felt like what I was writing wasn't authentic anymore, and just because I didn't feel like writing anymore.

So what is new? I am working at a different non profit now. Mostly though I want to talk about homeless babies and non competitive pool and chanting and love. Maybe 3 out of 4 won't be bad.

So among other things I have been volunteering overnight at the family emergency shelter. I am a shift lead, on call on Monday nights, and then when other hosts non show, the coordinator calls and asks if I want to fill in. He called me twice this week and I couldn't, so Saturday night, last night, I said yes.

The dynamic of the shelter was different since the last time I volunteered a month ago. This time, there were six babies. At the time it didn't phase me, but today, it really started to bother me. I had another meeting to go to tonight- I have been working with this tent city for the homeless, seperate from the family emergency shelter, and they are trying to get back into a position where they are self-governing (its a long story I can tgo into here). They were talking about whether or not to raise rent to $15 dollars, and there were some residents that don't have any income, and I could see the emotional toll it was taking on them.

At the same time, I am working 3 jobs trying to move into my dream house (a story I will tell soon), and basically going crazy trying to do everything I can to save money so I can pay various pet and move in deposits and first and last on the new place, and all that jazz, and my car just started to making a funny noise today when I shift gears and on and on.

I fought through various emotions, listening, as a representative of my church filling in for someone who couldnt make it, and as a representative for the advocacy group that supports the camp.

(My old roommate that has been in Iraq just unexpectedly knocked on my door, so my story telling was interupted. I am so glad she is ok. I have been praying for her lots).

Basically to sum this up I am ok because of crying, chanting/prayer at the episcopal church because my meeting ended early, laying in the pew looking at the beautiful ceiling really letting it all go and sensing this peaceful pressence, and then a free beer that I almost passed up because i just wanted to say hi to my friends and give them all hugs, which led to non competitive pool with my old college girlfriends, and love.

I can't write anymore because I am too tired. But I feel good. I don't understand why we live in a society that lets people live on the street- babies and the elderly especially. But I believe we can be miracles in each others lives, somehow, maybe. Yeah I believe it.