Lately I've been doing some real crazy things, such as going to multiple casinos and winning and losing hundreds of dollars. Yesterday I went from church straight to blackjack and made about two hundred bucks in 20 minutes.I can't tell you what that feels like to win that much money in such a short time, it's such a high.
I am flirting with disaster, looking for some kind of distraction to numb my mind against the pain of my separation, against all of my ghosts and skeletons.
I know I have to let God heal me, but I'm just too pissed off sometimes.
Also, for me at least, I have to let God heal me over, and over and over and over again. And sometimes I'm just like hey fuck this!
2 comments:
If you're concerned about blackjack, maybe we should work on some constructive hobbies. Like hanging out with Marcy! :] I would love to go hiking with you - especially now that the evenings are lighter.
Speaking of lighter, I need to lose the 15ish pounds I put on since I bagged smoking. Lets aim for April for hiking? Its the end of winter quarter right now and maybe mercifully work is going to keep me too busy to hit the cards in the next two weeks. you rock btw
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