the mystery of faith

every sunday night i attend a compline service. it is exactly 30 minutes long each week and always includes an our father, the confession, the nicene creed, and different moving hymns sung a cappella. The entire service is about asking for and receiving the peace of God through forgiveness. It is always very comforting to me. It is my favorite part of the week.

the service takes place in a large and mostly empty church. the wall in the church is sky blue and the service always takes place in candlelight. the choir walks into the back of the church and stays there for the service. i really appreciate this because it makes it actually possible for me to meditate and pray unselfconsciously, something i almost never experience in other churches. not that there is anything wrong with other churches, the compline service is simply a different kind of service, a purposefully contemplative one. what is absent is the feeling of being seen, except by God (for me personally). i can interact and reconnect with the very personal mystery of faith.

i love praying along silently with the choir. i am not catholic, but i love praying and expressing belief while praying the creed, which (the version they use) goes something like:

i believe in God the father,
maker of heaven and earth,
and in his only son Jesus Christ our Lord

who was conceived by the Holy Ghost

and i love believing that, having faith in that, even though i know logically it is ridiculous, i love the act of letting go and having faith in it. the creed continues along

who was born of the Virgin Mary
suffered under pontius pilate
was crucified dead and buried,
He descended into hell

and i believe that too, even though i think i worried about what believing in some idea of hell may mean, i also believe there are many interpretations and that God is so loving and so far beyond my comprehension it doesn't have to make sense to me, God is the moral center. When i say, he descended into hell, i let go of my outrage about all philosophical questions and trust God and it is incredible

and on the third day he rose from the grave
and sitteth on the right hand of God the father almighty
from whence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead
I believe in the Holy Ghost
the Holy Catholic Church
the communion of saints
the forgiveness of sins
and the resurrection of the body
and the life everlasting, Amen

In the moments during that service, I can freely express my faith, pray, I am always humbled, and so thankful. Ephesians 3:16-19 has always been one of my favorite passage from the Bible. The prayer is for us to know the love (of God) that surpasses knowledge. God's love and grace is "wide, high, long and deep" -- it surpasses all understanding.