EDIT: LOL so much for this plan :P (see 7/9 post)
My mom is here visiting which is wonderful. Today we went up to Seattle and did a bunch of fun touristy things that I have avoided doing for many years including the Space Needle. We saw the fish throwers at the Market, and went to the Experience Music Project museum (and got into the science fiction museum as a bonus!). Then we had a nice late lunch and sampled different beers, including Red Hook, which was both of our favorites and something I'd never tried before.
As far as religion/spirituality goes, I've sort of been wildly vacillating again between extraordinary leaps of faith and then quiet but deep burst of funk. With my hours cut at work I have been thinking more about graduate school for fall 2009. I am not sure if that is the best idea, or if moving for a better job would be more reasonable. I am not sure if I am called into the ministry, at least the ordained ministry, or social work, or human resources, or teaching or anything.
I feel called to stop smoking, start hiking again, stop smoking so much damn weed and to stop self-treating (albeit in small doses) the pain I feel over Denise, over my job, over my relationship with Evan and over poor choices I made with best intentions. Lately I've had this epiphany that I am doing ok but I need to do better, to take better care of myself, to be good to myself and find healthy ways to cope with stress, to take time to be alone, and then maybe it will become more clear what God wants me to do. Not because there's this legalistic list of things or because God won't call me when I am smoking or whatever, but just because that's what I think I am suppose to do-- basically love myself enough not to engage in potentially destructive behaviors, a variety of which, I have come to love sampling.
At the same time, I have an easier time trusting God, trusting that things will work out, trusting that even though I don't understand God has a plan, trusting basically. I know God is smarter and much funnier than me and that makes things easier, and sometimes even merciful seeming.
I am looking forward to quitting smoking soon after my mom leaves, and looking forward to taking the extra time I am not working to take hikes and photographs and to be in a state of marvel over creation.
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4 comments:
*Giant hug*
This sounds like a great plan! :]
And the old cynical Boulderite I am is struggling with parsing the sentence about stopping "smoking so much damned weed..." I don't even get the opportunity any more, so I can say you had me up to that point, and then you lost me... :o)
You have been having a good time with your mom and you are in a good space spiritually (I think). Trust in the Lord, for He is good! All will work out.
[But explain about the smoking too much weed thing? :o) ]
Jim,
thanks for your thoughts. They are very timely as I am high right now ;) There's nothing wrong with weed, at all, and i dont really think a person can smoke too much of it! I don't know what i was thinking! i am just trying to find constructive ways of being.
anyway its all good. peace.
Marcy,
Thanks :)
Maria
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