more thoughts on the compline service

I am trying to figure out what exactly it is about the Compline service that moves me so much. I hadn't gone in a few weeks, and went last night.

The singing is just so beautiful. It's hard to explain what it sounds like-- angels, I guess, is the best I can do, lame and vague as that sounds.

I sat close to the front looking at the light blue painted walls and stained glass and could hear their voices echoing through the large and open space, watched the glowing candles flickering in the low light.

The music is so beautiful it hurts sometimes, but in a good way. It sounds so pure and filled with love. Listening to it is like being bathed in mercy.

Not every time, but once in awhile, when I sit there listening and praying, I feel all the pain and grief and anger of my life ooze up out of my body and mind from some buried place. Then I feel like God's love is all around me, and that the music-- and the message of the music-- is a kind of healing, like God's healing is all around me and inside of me.

Then it is over almost as quickly as it began and I stumble back out into the world, get into my car, compose myself and crank whatever radio station-- right after I leave there is always this moment where I feel like I need to get reacclimated again to the "real world", whatever that is, and whatever that means.