insomnia

I can't sleep. Maybe there are too many things to think about. I am house sitting again, and just got done watching some weird "christian" religious movie about 4 men investigating UFOs. A couple of the characters become christians and then suddenly discover UFOs are really Satan's way of preventing people from knowing the truth about the rapture, since when that happens (premillennially) people will blame it on UFOs. There is one very strong disbeliever who adamantly refuses this analysis, so his coworkers decide to fake the rapture. In a panic, he starts calling local churches, suddenly convinced the rapture is real and he has missed the boat. Then, as he is getting worked up, his coworkers start laughing and tell him that they just played a prank on him. The movie ends with the hyperreligious coworker meanly suggesting that if the man didn't really believe in God, then he had nothing to fear... right?

It was one screwed up movie. I don't even know why I watched it. As these people were trying to get everyone to "accept Jesus", it was so insidious. I kept realizing that they weren't really talking about.." accepting Christ"-- whatever that means-- anyway, they were talking about accepting a whole ideology-- one that said UFOS 1. existed, 2. were demonic 3. were in existence to prevent people from "knowing Christ" (whatever that means. They also were very conservative characters, and it seemed that "accepting Jesus" would also include accepting this political stance as well. W-e-i-r-d.

I've packed almost everything now back at my apartment. The big move is Saturday. Also, I have to do a shift for Super Saturday and then take care of Denise. The next day, Sunday, I unexpectedly have to take care of Denise again because the other girl flaked out. Then my friend Holly asked if she could come to church with me since her grandfather is in town. I was so honored she thought of me. So I will do that, then go back to Denise, then go back to the apartment to clean more, and then go back to Denise again. The next day will be Monday, back to work, also softball. Tuesday, more work. Wednesday more work. I don't really see an end in sight.

This weekend is father's day. One volunteer I scheduled an interview today wanted to know how I was going to honor my father-- if he was still alive. I didn't say anything. That is generally my policy when people ask me about my father. Sometimes, once in awhile, I will refer to my father in the past tense. This has led people to think my father is dead, which he might as well be, which would be more merciful, at least in the way I could conceptualize and think about, and process my grief. Father's day always sucks, some years it has been as bad as Christmas, but honestly this year I am too busy to think about it, I am too exhausted with other things. Thank God.