I'm the kind of person that tries to guess what the present is before I open it. With my relationship with God I am also the kind of person that tries to guess what God may be trying to tell me or teach me in specific situations. Lately I have been not doing such a great job at guessing! It's only after I do some really fucked up thing that I pause and realize, "well, at least I know what God WASNT trying to teach me!"
Lately I have ADD in church. I drool through the doxologies and zone out during angelic chanting. During prayer I think cynical thoughts and wonder how pissed God may or may not be for various mistakes I've made; its like being an evangelical 19 year old again! I'm not sure how to fix this.
How do you discern and follow the will of God when God also seems zoned out from earth, absent, whatever. I know, I believe God exists, that I have a relationship with God. But I think its possible to get caught up in doing good deeds and just turn down the volume on trying to listen or even care about what God might think. It's sort of like coming around full circle. When I was younger I ended up leaving the faith for a variety of reasons, but the number one reason was because it wasn't working for me and I didn't want to be a hypocrite.
Old age seems to have made me much more comfortable with hypocrisy!
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2 comments:
It's OK.
Read this from Sam's blog.
Or this from Adam's blog.
Or all of Tina's blog.
Jim,
thanks for the encouragement and the links. I especially loved Sam's. Very, very similar to my train of thought during church lately- except minus the kids! anyway peace
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