WWJS (part one)

so Jim has asked bloggers to write about what they think Jesus would say to us individually (WWJS)

First of all I have been thinking about how we can discern what God is saying. On the one hand I have personally concluded that I don't really know what God is saying. After all when I pray and meditate I don't hear God saying literal words. But what is pretty amazing is that I do find myself drawn toward certain ideas. Sometimes I am not sure if these ideas come from God or myself, though once in awhile I am convinced they are from God, or that the reason I gravitate toward certain ideas over other ideas is because of God.

Then again, I have lots of ideas. So how can I discern which ones are from God? I can't! Sometimes I have a feeling that something is from God, but then I just have to wait things out and see what happens. This is all very abstract. I guess that goes back to what I mentioned in the beginning of this post-- that I am not really certain of what "God is saying".

I feel a lot of (what i hope is) healthy fear for my soul or sometimes anxiety over my relationship with God (i hesitate to say "fear of God" because i know all of the baggage and stereotypes that come with that idea for a lot of people). Anyhow I genuinely hope that I am making the right choices and getting better at living the best that I can, and I also hope that God will help change me, that I will let God change me (because i believe that can happen). I am also hyper sensitive to what humility, service, and real love toward others, especially toward people that i don't already like-- should look like-- at least for me-- and i am very conscious of how short i fall in living up to the ideal.

And on my best days I am open to God. But not only on my worst days, sometimes on my regular old average days, I am not very open at all.

On that same note, Jim did a follow-up post where he mentioned the fact that some people heard Jesus speak to them, changed, and then their lives were never the same. Yet others heard Jesus speak, didn't do anything and missed their chance:

What inspired me to create it [the post] was the thought that there are so many stories in the Gospel where Jesus met a person, said just a few sentences to them, and their life was changed forever. Most of us want to believe that as Christians, disciples, if Christ talked to us directly, in the flesh, we would be the ones following Him every day, hanging on to His every teaching, recording what He said (and arguing like dolts over who was first amongst us). Who says we would be that lucky? More to the point, who says we'd get that much hand holding? Maybe I would warrant only one interaction with Jesus. The Gospel makes it clear - those who got only one chance with Jesus were often changed for life, and those who He spoke to that didn't change missed out, forever.

It's a scary thing to think about, at least that last part. Because I definitely don't see myself as one of the people that immediately left everything and followed Jesus. I have always worried when reading the New Testament, because I mostly related to the people who didn't respond to Jesus, or even to the people Jesus didn't speak to. I just know myself and don't think I would've just dropped everything and followed Jesus. I see myself asking what Truth is or looking back at the burning city, or not being the good soil or not loving my enemies or not always forgiving so i can be forgiven. And it's not because I believe in hell that I think about these things, it's because I really do want to do good, be good, help others, give of myself to others unconditionally.

Then there is also the culture, time and place I find myself within. I don't want to be too political but I deeply believe it is extremely difficult to live a life like Christ in this capitalist consumerist culture, as a citizen living during the beginning of the decline of the american empire.

Even now as I type this I could easily step outside and hear the hum of a giant warship parked at the port a half mile from our apartment unloading its gear just back from Iraq, where close to a million civilians have been killed. And I am not doing anything about it because it seems like protesting it will not bring about the end of the war. But it still haunts me. My questions become: Am I complicit? Am I complicit in the deaths of innocent people like so many Germans were complicit in the heinous acts of their government? What does this mean for me as a moral, spiritual question?

I guess I don't know what Jesus would say about this or other things.

i tag Jeremy and Heidi - what are your thoughts on WWJS