Today I barely made it into church high on Dayquil feeling pretty good, trying hard not to shake anyones hand. I actually wish I had been feeling better, because the hymns were Church of God, Anderson and ones I hadn't heard since I was a teenager. It was great. I felt spaced out and caught up in a cloud of sentimentality and/or medicine!
The message was about unresolved guilt and other baggage people carry around like garbage. The point was to let the "garbage" go before the New Year so we can all be free to focus on the future. God wants us to be happy and free! Great!
I think it's a good idea.
I realized that I don't have a lot of guilt. I do feel victimized by various things that have happened and like maybe I should "talk to God" about some of that, but I don't really feel a lot of guilt. Hmm, maybe I should!
Sometimes I am as sensitive as a brick in the head!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
still feverish: more missional emergent monastic churchish stuff
Made it into work only to be sent home. My coworkers are kind.
I have been trying to be still. Being sick makes me realize how much energy I have, how strong I feel life within me. Maybe I am talking about what I perceive to be my spirit.
In my last post I said I didn't talk about my spirituality here anymore.
One idea I share with others is to start a group of people-- people who are alienated by the church, younger adults, older people that understand denominationalism is going to end, and others, and bring everyone into a kind of collaborative effort to ________. I wish there was a safe space for people to gather and talk and discuss. I know there are lots of people scattered in various local churches, and other people who have dropped out of churches and I want to see these and other people come together. I want help organize some kind of group that doesn't inspire people to snicker and be cynical and roll their eyes, I want to be part of a group of people seeking to connect with God in a way that is sincere and authentic.
I want to be part of a missional church, well, I am part of a missional church.
Here is what drives me mad/crazy/ makes me nuts: I know three different people, different leaders in their various communities, all of whom I have much respect for, that are all talking about a similar kind of thing/ project/gathering/conversation. I am connected to all of them in different ways, and believe in all three of their unique dreams. My question is this: why can't everyone just get together and collaborate? Why can't people start a conversation together about building a new and relevant community that is going to focus on helping others as an expression of faith?
Also, I am a very impatient person. I like to get things done, I know how to organize, to make things happen NOW, not next month, next year or in the ambiguous future. Life is short, I want to get things done!
Now, I don't like to pretend expressions of faith that I don't have, but I do believe in missional communities and really could help build, organize something. I want be a part of something, I feel like there is so much potential here. I feel like I am starving for sincere spiritual "fellowship" with people and I am going to 3 different churches! Maybe its my problem. Maybe I need to try harder. I feel that so much of church is not about our spirituality, but about churchstuff. I feel like there is so much fakery at different churches. Is that because there is a boat load of fakery or because I am too cynical?
If what I am saying doesn't make sense, my excuse is a very real fever.
I have been trying to be still. Being sick makes me realize how much energy I have, how strong I feel life within me. Maybe I am talking about what I perceive to be my spirit.
In my last post I said I didn't talk about my spirituality here anymore.
One idea I share with others is to start a group of people-- people who are alienated by the church, younger adults, older people that understand denominationalism is going to end, and others, and bring everyone into a kind of collaborative effort to ________. I wish there was a safe space for people to gather and talk and discuss. I know there are lots of people scattered in various local churches, and other people who have dropped out of churches and I want to see these and other people come together. I want help organize some kind of group that doesn't inspire people to snicker and be cynical and roll their eyes, I want to be part of a group of people seeking to connect with God in a way that is sincere and authentic.
I want to be part of a missional church, well, I am part of a missional church.
Here is what drives me mad/crazy/ makes me nuts: I know three different people, different leaders in their various communities, all of whom I have much respect for, that are all talking about a similar kind of thing/ project/gathering/conversation. I am connected to all of them in different ways, and believe in all three of their unique dreams. My question is this: why can't everyone just get together and collaborate? Why can't people start a conversation together about building a new and relevant community that is going to focus on helping others as an expression of faith?
Also, I am a very impatient person. I like to get things done, I know how to organize, to make things happen NOW, not next month, next year or in the ambiguous future. Life is short, I want to get things done!
Now, I don't like to pretend expressions of faith that I don't have, but I do believe in missional communities and really could help build, organize something. I want be a part of something, I feel like there is so much potential here. I feel like I am starving for sincere spiritual "fellowship" with people and I am going to 3 different churches! Maybe its my problem. Maybe I need to try harder. I feel that so much of church is not about our spirituality, but about churchstuff. I feel like there is so much fakery at different churches. Is that because there is a boat load of fakery or because I am too cynical?
If what I am saying doesn't make sense, my excuse is a very real fever.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
NEWSFLASH! i have a cold!
just kidding. not about the cold though :(
anyhow i'm just not really sure what the purpose of this blog is anymore. i don't really write my honest "thoughts about God" here or whatever, not like they are consistent thoughts anyway, but i don't write them. and as far as my other "spiritual commitments" etcetera I have A.D.D. when it comes to "choosing to read the bible in a year" AND i still haven't found a comfortable answer for what the difference is between constructive criticism and plain old complaining.
I don't want to turn into a whiny church person.
I guess if all else fails this can be a place where I post pictures of my cats :)
anyhow i'm just not really sure what the purpose of this blog is anymore. i don't really write my honest "thoughts about God" here or whatever, not like they are consistent thoughts anyway, but i don't write them. and as far as my other "spiritual commitments" etcetera I have A.D.D. when it comes to "choosing to read the bible in a year" AND i still haven't found a comfortable answer for what the difference is between constructive criticism and plain old complaining.
I don't want to turn into a whiny church person.
I guess if all else fails this can be a place where I post pictures of my cats :)
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
"Christ came down" by Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
there were no rootless Christmas trees
hung with candycanes and breakable stars
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
there were no gilded Christmas trees
and no tinsel Christmas trees
and no tinfoil Christmas trees
and no pink plastic Christmas trees
and no gold Christmas trees
and no black Christmas trees
and no powderblue Christmas trees
hung with electric candles
and encircled by tin electric trains
and clever cornball relatives
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no intrepid Bible salesmen
covered the territory
in two-tone cadillacs
and where no Sears Roebuck creches
complete with plastic babe in manger
arrived by parcel post
the babe by special delivery
and where no televised Wise Men
praised the Lord Calvert Whiskey
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no fat handshaking stranger
in a red flannel suit
and a fake white beard
went around passing himself off
as some sort of North Pole saint
crossing the desert to Bethlehem
Pennsylvania
in a Volkswagon sled
drawn by rollicking Adirondack reindeer
with German names
and bearing sacks of Humble Gifts
from Saks Fifth Avenue
for everybody's imagined Christ child
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no Bing Crosby carollers
groaned of a tight Christmas
and where no Radio City angels
iceskated wingless
thru a winter wonderland
into a jinglebell heaven
daily at 8:30
with Midnight Mass matinees
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and softly stole away into
some anonymous Mary's womb again
where in the darkest night
of everybody's anonymous soul
He awaits again
an unimaginable and impossibly
Immaculate Reconception
the very craziest
of Second Comings
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
there were no rootless Christmas trees
hung with candycanes and breakable stars
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
there were no gilded Christmas trees
and no tinsel Christmas trees
and no tinfoil Christmas trees
and no pink plastic Christmas trees
and no gold Christmas trees
and no black Christmas trees
and no powderblue Christmas trees
hung with electric candles
and encircled by tin electric trains
and clever cornball relatives
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no intrepid Bible salesmen
covered the territory
in two-tone cadillacs
and where no Sears Roebuck creches
complete with plastic babe in manger
arrived by parcel post
the babe by special delivery
and where no televised Wise Men
praised the Lord Calvert Whiskey
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no fat handshaking stranger
in a red flannel suit
and a fake white beard
went around passing himself off
as some sort of North Pole saint
crossing the desert to Bethlehem
Pennsylvania
in a Volkswagon sled
drawn by rollicking Adirondack reindeer
with German names
and bearing sacks of Humble Gifts
from Saks Fifth Avenue
for everybody's imagined Christ child
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no Bing Crosby carollers
groaned of a tight Christmas
and where no Radio City angels
iceskated wingless
thru a winter wonderland
into a jinglebell heaven
daily at 8:30
with Midnight Mass matinees
Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and softly stole away into
some anonymous Mary's womb again
where in the darkest night
of everybody's anonymous soul
He awaits again
an unimaginable and impossibly
Immaculate Reconception
the very craziest
of Second Comings
Sunday, December 23, 2007
reclaiming the holiday
isn't it about redemption anyway? beneath the fancy, decorative lights.
one of my favorite Christmas carols is O Holy Night
God help us rise up, singing, being, hope
one of my favorite Christmas carols is O Holy Night
God help us rise up, singing, being, hope
Friday, December 21, 2007
digging out of the cave
I think I have found a cure for the blues. I had a couple of rough days early in the week, but now I am off work for a five day weekend. I realized that since Evan left for the east coast I have allowed our apartment to morph into a kind of gloom cave. It has evolved into a kind of paper station/ clothing depot where I come home from work, dump all the crap I have accumulated around my computer, navigate my way between the ever growing pile of laundry, and find my cats peering at me from their temporary romping around on the unmade bed and/or top of a book/paper stack.
Enough! I am cleaning up and actually having some fun. There are a lot of cures for the blues. My current cure is reliving the summers of 1999 and 2000 when I was completely immersed in Dave Matthews. The music used to make me so happy! :) The sun is out! It's a beautiful day! It's going to be January soon! I have so many good things in my life! I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people and friends, to have a meaningful job and live in a beautiful place. Well, back to cleaning up the house and letting a little light inside.
Enough! I am cleaning up and actually having some fun. There are a lot of cures for the blues. My current cure is reliving the summers of 1999 and 2000 when I was completely immersed in Dave Matthews. The music used to make me so happy! :) The sun is out! It's a beautiful day! It's going to be January soon! I have so many good things in my life! I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people and friends, to have a meaningful job and live in a beautiful place. Well, back to cleaning up the house and letting a little light inside.
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