Faith

NOTE: Looking back at this post, I have to laugh out loud. The guy I was seeing when I wrote this post turned out to be a total asshole, ,maybe more kindly put, a gigantic chicken! Even though it hurts, I love irony, and had to edit this post so I can remember later. So note to self: stay away from bad boy chicken! Sunday, May 25 '08

I took a deep breath and opened the freezer. There it was, tucked in the back corner--among other frightening and freezer burned items--a box of opened and unfinished Banquet chicken. Quickly offering up a prayer of thanks to God that nothing looked alive or too much like a science experiment, I made a list of reasons why it would okay for me to eat the chicken.

I thought about how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten anything all day, was in dire need of some kind of protein source, and I didn't have the money to order out again. I reasoned that anything cooked at 400 degrees for 50 minutes would be safe to eat. And I needed to start eating at home again. Since my partner and I separated, I had been avoiding the place all together. It was simply too painful to spend much time there.

But things had to change.

For one thing, I was beginning to crave making dinner and even cookies again, at home. I deeply wanted to be able to have friends over again, to make brownies for my brother and his friends. I had visions of finally and reorganizing my apartment and making it immaculate, of ridding it of everything that was old or no longer useful. I wanted to be able to feel comfortable in my own space again, to make the rooms warm and comfortable. I longed to open the blinds again and to enjoy the new beginning of another merciful spring.

But after this vision of new hope, I looked in the freezer and all I saw was that damn chicken.

I think the faith journey is sometimes like this-- by the grace of God we have some kind of restored vision, God gives us a glimpse of a different way of living and being made new. But then we look around and all we see is old chicken! And then it seems impossible to discern what we really need spiritually--is it the chicken? Or is it something new we don't have yet or maybe can't even imagine having?

I believe many people experience hunger for God, for community and for healing. And there are certainly a lot of food items laying around for us to choose from. We have the freedom to engage in wild experiments, to see what really fulfills us. Of all the food items in my house that day the chicken certainly held the most promise. Ultimately though, I ended up eating a bit of it and deciding, no, in fact, I needed something totally new! Maybe someone with a more common sense would've realized this sooner!

In any event, I am comforted.

If I had enough faith to attempt eating that scary chicken, I think I can muster enough faith to believe that God has a larger plan for me to actively participate in-- one of love and joy and hope and rebirth--and other things that I know I could not create or imagine on my own. That's not to say there isn't struggle.

But I deeply hope and believe that God guides and gives us wisdom. If only we can resist becoming chickens ourselves, or even playing chicken with God, no matter what our Creator is calling us to do!